Christmas Day 2023

This weekend is still manageable by my standards.

Apart from some work i.e requests from customers, I'm not grossly stuck inside work too much.

As far as I'm concerned, I'm on holiday and will only get back to work on Tuesday 26th.

And make no mistake, I'm not having illusions for  when I get back to work tomorrow. I know that a mountain of work is waiting for me, and that it will last until the new year. I'm just putting it off for at least one more day before I get all stressed out.

So today (Monday 26th i.e Christmas day), I woke up at noon, and then went to buy lunch at my favourite place that has a very beautiful cashier that I've been eyeing on since 2021. I also went there on Saturday, when I got to talk with the chef, who I believe is also the owner of this family enterprise and the father of the cashier and the waitstaff. We spoke about that day's menu and where we lived. Today when I went there, the guy at the drinks counter already knew my order before I even said it. It's quite embarrassing that people can remember my usual order, but it's more embarrassing that it could be a sign directed at me for hanging around too often while not so subtly having an eye on the sister. 

In the evening, I went to Bookxces, out of boredom and the need to relieve the stress at thinking about what this week holds for me. Plus, I need a fiction book to accompany the book that I'm currently reading (The Republic - Plato). Parallel reading is really a life-changing way to read a book. Since discovering the method, I've been reading continuously and finishing books significantly faster. Best if the books are a pairing of a non-fiction-fiction, preferably any one in English and another in BM. The parking at Tamarind Square was fairly easy. Go straight up to level 3 where Village Grocer is and from there it's just a few metres walk and an escalator ride to get to Bookxcess which is just right above Village Grocer.

Last I had been at Bookxcess was in 2020 I think, when I bought the book Joy on Demand - Chade-Meng Tan. I never finished the book. It's such a boring read despite the easy style of writing.

I've never really liked Bookxcess and today I still feel the same. Granted, the books are really cheap and original (beware of shopee books) but they have such a limited selection. I could hardly find anything of interest here. The fiction books are mostly young adult, and the non-fiction are mostly history of weird things and dinky self-help books. It's quite frustrating because it's not like they don't have a lot of books, there are a lot of them on the shelves corner to corner and floor to ceiling, but barely anything is interesting. Plus, the bookstore is beautifully designed.

By the way, it's really a shame that books are not more affordable for the masses. I consider myself an M40 (Selangor standards), but even to me, buying a book is an economic decision. And not just the rare books. Even the paperbacks are quite expensive these days. I placed an order on 2nd Dec for paperback Orientalism - Edward W. Said at Kino online, and the price was RM69.50, added RM8.00 for shipping. I had to order from Kino because other local suppliers had no stock, and Kino's also out of stock but they could order from supplier with lead time 10-15 days. It was actually my first purchase from Kino online. Happily, they managed to source it from supplier and has been delivered to me on 20th Dec. Totally fair and I can't wait to start reading, of course after I finish the Myth of The Lazy Native - S. Hussein Alatas. Yesterday, I was browsing Kino again to buy the Art of Rhetoric - Aristotle. At RM18.54, it's cheap and in stock, so I right away clicked and paid RM26.54. I want to read Aristotle because I'm currently reading The Republic. And then I noticed that Orientalism's price had gone up to RM75.71.

I guess inflation hits everything, including books.

Anyway, Merry Christmas. Peace be upon our Prophet, Jesus and to his Immaculate Mother, Mary.

Tis used to be the season

Normally, I'd be in a great mood when xmas time comes around.

Not that I celebrate, but it marks the start of the year-end break and the coming of the new year.

I'd be in my hometown with my family and friends making up for all the time of the year we've been away from each other.

Plus, it's wet season and especially in the Pantai Timur, the heavens would open up, giving us the perfect weather for us to cool down in the final days of the year. Some years, it opens up maybe too much and some poor families would be forced to temporarily leave their inundated homes for flood shelters.

These past few years, it's been different. This period has become the most dreadful of the year for me. Contrary to normal jobs at normal companies, ours get even busier come year end. People travel a hell lot more during this season and we're forced to make sure they get to their destinations without delay. And that means I no longer have the luxury to enjoy this period with loved ones. Worse, most of my colleagues would still be on holidays, including my boss who celebrates xmas. And that means I'm left with the burden to attend crisis management meetings and all the bs stuff that wouldn't have been necessary on a normal weekday.

I hate my job. I regret following along when my Head of Department asked me to take on the role. I hate to think that despite my best attempts, I'm still stuck here doing stuff I don't like with people I don't really like. I hate to think that my life is being robbed from me and every passing day, I lose precious time to the job rather than to the things and with the people I love the most.

I know what people are thinking, I'm such a Grinch.

How I learnt to stop worrying and read a book

This year, I've finally brought my reading habit up to speed. If I can even call it a 'habit'.

I'm not an avid reader. My attention span is too short to finish an entire book.

But even then, I'm getting better at it. So far, I've read 9 books, between 200 and 500 pages each.

The first book I've ever read was actually a novel - The Firm by John Grisham. That book was very sentimental to me. It was 2008, I was a schoolboy at KL about to start the mid year school break at kampung but I had missed the Airasia flight to KT. I called my father to inform him of the situation and he asked the help of his cousin to pick me up at the airport and give me a place to stay for the night. In that confusion and while waiting for my rescue (I totally lacked resources.. I could have taken a shuttle bus to KL and find a cheap hotel to spend the night), I was drawn towards a WH Smith shop at LCCT. Specifically, I was drawn towards the pile of books on display. I felt that if I was gonna wait for long, I should kill the time with something - maybe read a book.

I can't recall the price of the paperback but I think it was around RM30. Which compared to today's paperback prices, was very cheap. And this was the airport price!

Anyway from the first page, I was drawn into it. It was love at first sight. The language and style that Grisham used was very easy to read, and even to a Malaysian schoolboy who didn't speak or write or read English outside of a classroom, no dictionary was necessary. That was the first time I knew I could read an English book LOL The story itself was a page turner and I finished the novel within a week, since I still had no reading routine and only read when I had time.

Back to 2023, the best book I've read this year is The End of The Nineteen-nineties by Hafiz Noor Shams. An excellent book IMO that deserves a prominent place in the Malaysiana genre. It not details the journey of the author (an economist) through the 1990s Malaysia from his upbringing in Keramat KL to his 5-year sojourn at Kuala Kangsar Perak to his uni life in Michigan USA and then back again to Malaysia in the early 2000s, albeit to a country that he in some way had not recognised. It discusses about the history of Malaysia as well, especially the origins of the concepts of Malayness and Malaysianness. The ideas of Milnerian Malay, Andersonian Malay and the Platonic Malay are heavily discussed in the book, citing the discussions by earlier scholars and from the author's point of view himself. This is a book that I will definitely re-read sometime in the future.

I'll talk about other books later. I already have a dozen that will inevitably be read only in 2024.

Out of Order

It's already the 29th of Ramadan.

As usual, I don't break fast with a full meal. Just water and some light refreshments. Stopped by Baker's Cottage to pick up my favourite tuna mayonnaise croissant (RM4.50) on the way to the mosque,. After terawih I wanted to eat nasi campur at Thoulath but the place was packed and I had to park my car some distance away. Only to find that the nasi campur dishes were already finished.

So I headed to Hameeds which to my opinion is a close second to Thoulath. Ali Maju used to be the best but they had dropped too far in service and quality that I had stopped going for months.

Hameeds was packed too but I managed to find a table.

Ordered the nasi campur with mutton and added an order for telur dadar. Nowadays, I'm getting used to having 2-3 lauks in a plate.. I just can't help myself.

Anyway, sat down waiting for my telur dadar and it never arrived. Disappointing but OK. Tried to call for the waiter a few times but they were just too busy taking and delivering orders.

Lately, everything in my life seems to be out of order. Relationships, work, studies.

I'm having a difficulty to get a group for my Asas Keusahawanan course. Group work is BS anyway in my opinion. If lecturers want to make it any good, they should be the ones assigning students the groups and not let students form their own. That would be a good practical lesson for students. We can't choose the people we work with. Heck we can't even choose the people who work for us, or the people who we work for. That's real life kids. You make do with whatever and whoever you got whether you like it or not.

I've also made a rather stupid decision that cost me a pretty penny. Paid RM650 for a full fledged flight ticket to home. I panicked when I didn't get any seat for a flight home. So I went on the website and bought my own ticket as a full paying pax. The flight would be tomorrow afternoon but I'm considering if I should cancel it and just drive the car to hometown.

My head is not on straight right now. Granted, it rarely is. But yeah, just venting.

Sighsss

BTW I guess this would also be my raya post. So, Selamat Hari Raya to anyone watching. Have a blessed blast!

Yet another false hope

I arrived back to KL via MH1 last night from London.

Wanted to write about the short trip, but am now no longer in the mood.

Just now, the hiring manager informed me that they again decided to move forward with another candidate.

Extremely upsetting since I was expecting a good news, at long last.

But in the end, I was still not good enough.

In the end, the struggle goes on.

I wish I could immediately go on to the next job opening, but this company was pretty much my best bet at the moment. The job market has dried up and the available jobs are either incompatible with my profile or at the companies I'm not optimistic about.

Perhaps the biggest setback I've received so far. My default plan is to bear with my current job for the next 3 years and then take a sabbatical leave to further my studies abroad. All depends on when I would graduate with my bachelor's degree.

London calling

Alright so all sorted for departure today.

Got my boarding pass just on time. Thought I'd be declined boarding for MH4 today since it looked like the flight was full. But nay, there's always room for good ole me.

Boarding starts in 30 mins. Hope a goes well inshallah.

And hoping that I could get some piece of good news while I'm there. Anything would do - career, love, etc.

P/s : amende la aku buat gi London tengah2 bulan pose ni

MH4 28 MAR 2023

I've got a friend who travels overseas a lot because of duty.

He's actually a close friend. I was the best man at his wedding in Kedah in 2021.

Last year, he asked me to join him for his 1-week duty trip to Auckland NZ. I said OK but bailed on the last minute due to the usual heap of work at office that I couldn't find time to get my passport done.

I only renewed my passport last January in anticipation of travelling to job interviews overseas.

But that friend never let it go and kept bringing it up about me bailing on him on that occassion. Earlier this year, he let me know that he's got a UK trip during Ramadhan this year and that I better join him this time. I nonchalantly said sure why not. In my mind, I thought it wasn't such a terrible idea. Deeper in my mind, I thought I'd find a perfect excuse that neither him nor myself could blame me for not going.

That day is tomorrow.

Just a week ago it occurred to me what a chore it's gonna be. Having to find spring clothes and he told me just last week that I also have to find my own room. I thought he's booking it for both of us!

Anyway, all sorted now. I'm bunking in his room. Except for some laundry to be done, and confirmation on my flight ticket. I also managed to come up with an excuse to shorten my stay in UK by 2 days -- I had to balik kampung first for Ramadhan with family and my new semester starts 1st of April. If my ticket goes through, I'll be on board MH4 tomorrow 28/3 and come back on MH1 30/3.

I told my parents I was going but told them honestly, I didn't really feel like going. I was just going because I made a promise to a good friend and I knew if I skipped again this time, I would never hear the end of it.

Sometimes, I beat myself up for so easily making commitments to people even at my own expense.

On the upside, the last time I reluctantly took a trip, it gave me a clear mind to think of what I wanted to achieve for this year.

Here's hoping this trip would be just as fruitful (and not at all eventful).

Final exam results & interview day

Today (22/3) was a big day.

First, UKM published the last semester's results.
Ok, before that. I thought last sem (my first)was fairly easy. The classes were at a relaxed pace and the final exams were done online. At least 2 subjects had open book tests. I submitted all the assignments although half of them were late submissions. Bad, I know but I figured that's the least I could do to ensure I still get a passable grade which is anything above 2.00/4.00 GPA.

So, the final results?
Somehow and to my pleasant surprise, I got 3.79/4.00 which is the highest I've ever gotten in my uni studies. Even the highest I ever got during Diploma was 3.35/4.00.

Praise be to God.

Second, I did that interview meeting with the company (refer last 3 posts).

It was pleasant. Basically the hiring manager and me have known each other so it was rather friendly. All he needed from me was to consider the role of which he gave an overview during the meeting. He also wanted to know my salary expectation, to which I replied that it's still the same as before.

Oh, and I was wrong. This position was not higher than the one I initially applied for. It's actually lower but it's fine. It's just that I saw the requirements for this role were higher than the previous one and that's why I thought this was a higher position.

My only problem is that my notice period is 3 months. May have made a mistake to tell it during the interview but hey, if they really want me as much as I want them, I hope it won't be an issue.
Unless they decide to once again go with another candidate which from what he told me, is just one guy that he's supposed to interview this Friday.

I still pray very hard to God that I got this.

Please Allah, in this blessed month of Ramadhan, grant me this.

Still looking for a new job (part 3)

So the hiring manager replied to set the date on Friday. It's gonna be next Wednesday evening. 7 hours time difference between us so it's fair. Basically it's taking place in his first hour at the office and the last for me.

And it's also confirmed that the position he wants to discuss with me about is for Material Support Manager.

Hold up.

Manager? That's actually a higher position than the one I originally applied for.
In fact, it's gonna be the superior for the original position.

Oh God. I'm both excited and nervous. I've never applied for a Manager position. I never even thought of it. Reason is simple. I don't think I'm yet qualified and experienced for it. I'm not ready for such responsibilites, so I think. But then again, is anybody ever?

However, if such opportunity comes at the door knocking, I would of course grab it. Because I don't know if it will ever come again.

Now I have to really prepare myself for the meeting/interview.

I pray to God I get this.

Still looking for a new job (continued)

5. Material Support Service Representative (external, MNC, unsuccessful*)

* Attended the virtual video interview, the f2f session with the MNC's head for Malaysia, and the online session with the team manager in Spain between November and January. Nil update on the jobs portal, it's still showing "Under Review" as of today. Sent an email for status request to the HR Manager, e-mail bounced. I later learnt via Linkedin that she had left the org in December 2022.

Spoke with some people with experience there, they said they'd always let you know if you had been accepted/rejected, but in my case, since the status is still not updated after 2 months, I take it upon myself that I've been rejected. No problem. Just wish I'd known sooner so that I could quickly move on to the next job applications.

So yesterday, the hiring manager e-mailed me again. Confirmed -- they decided to move forward with another candidate.

However, the hiring manager asked if I was interested in another "newly raised position" which he thought I would fit in. And if I was interested, he'd arrange the meeting to discuss.

Took me 2 hours to process this but of course I then replied to let him know that I was interested and would like him to proceed to arrange the meeting.

But that was yesterday. It's been more than 24 hours and he hasn't yet replied with the arrangement details. Now I'm starting to wonder if I did something. Did I write properly that I was interested? Was my language too bad for him to comprehend? Did I take too long to reply? Worse, did the email even get delivered?

Gosh, the anxiety is gnawing at my insides.

Still looking for a new job

I think this has been the 3rd year that I've been floating my resumes and applying for jobs.

Only last year that I began getting invitations to interviews:

1. Senior Executive, PMO (internal, KIV)

2. Executive, Airport Ops (internal, successful but offer was blocked by my HOD because he wants me for no. 4)

3. Lead Document Control (external, unsuccessful) - didn't like it anyway, strong Malay-dominated culture

4. Senior Executive, Ops Support (internal, successful which is the position I've been covering since September 2020)

5. Material Support Service Representative (external, MNC, unsuccessful*)

* Attended the virtual video interview, the f2f session with the MNC's head for Malaysia, and the online session with the team manager in Spain between November and January. Nil update on the jobs portal, it's still showing "Under Review" as of today. Sent an email for status request to the HR Manager, e-mail bounced. I later learnt via Linkedin that she had left the org in December 2022.

Spoke with some people with experience there, they said they'd always let you know if you had been accepted/rejected, but in my case, since the status is still not updated after 2 months, I take it upon myself that I've been rejected. No problem. Just wish I'd known sooner so that I could quickly move on to the next job applications.

I'm really at my wit's end here since all my efforts seem fruitless so far. I've re-done my CV so maybe I should also start attending career coaching sessions too? Not that I can't afford it. It's just that I feel a little bit of shame that I don't even know how to sell myself to prospective employers.

Not that I'm giving up, though. I'll do whatever it takes.

Friday scares

Had 2 scares today.

First one was when I was driving to join a friend for lunch and Friday prayers at Putrajaya. Was passing Dengkil when the traffic in front of me suddenly halted. I managed to brake just few feet away from kissing the bumper of the car ahead of me (thanks to ABS, and keeping the distance) but the Bezza behind me couldn't and was already skidding before it swerved to left. Lucky there was no car in the left lane or I could've been sandwiched.

The second one was when I went to the mamak after prayers to buy an iced tea (today was a hot day). I looked at the road left and right, all clear, and when I was about to cross it, my right foot got stuck in the drainage cover and I tripped and fell on the road. Had the wallet in my right hand so that took most of the impact but I was thankful there was no incoming vehicle. Could have been much worse than just a sprained ankle.

Reminders of how things could go wrong in an instant despite us being careful enough. 

Dreams

I dreamt of her again 2 nights ago.

It was a dinner party (I think) with our other friends in attendance.

 
It's uncanny the way she behaved in that dream was exactly like she always did in real life.

The way we always avoided each other at first and then as the night wore on we just naturally gravitated towards each other and started talking about stuff.

The way she shared intimate things with me that no other people knew, and me doing the same. Our problems, insecurities, expectations, issues with people. The past, the present.. the future.

Us comforting each other with the fact that this too, shall pass.

And before we could get lost in our own world, I woke up and it was over. Perfectly mirroring our relationship that picked up speed every now and then but never took off. Yet I never stopped praying that it eventually will.

I miss her too much.

1, 2, goal! (of 2023)

Took a day off today and went to Kajang. The whole drive was OK but once I reached the town side, I wish I had taken the MRT instead. The traffic was horrendous! I was trying to get to Maybank Kajang and had to circle round the whole town looking for parking. After 40-45 minutes of going in circles, managed to find a spot about 50m from the destination.

The reason I went to Maybank Kajang today was to check on a full settlement for my car loan and termination of my ASB financing loan. And I did it! I paid off my car loan and terminated my ASB loan within an hour.

My calculations were somehow off by 2k because I ended up getting only RM9.5k rebate instead of RM11.4k. And based on my simple calculations, still a good option since I'm not paying off the full amount and if compared to putting the amount in FD/ASB, the returns are still pretty much the same if not more.

The ASB loan was something that I had been wanting to terminate for quite some time but the recent dividend announcement had pushed me to finally do it. The bank was charging me 4.75% p.a vs the dividend rates of 3-4%! It's madness when I think about it.

Anyway with these two loans sorted, as of today, I have no more bank debts. Wish I could say I am bebas hutang, but I still have that damn training loan that is hanging around like an albatross round my neck. Its sheer size and the outcome of the training program itself have really been a bane of my existence. Way I see it, I made a costly mistake when I was a dumb 18yo and I am still paying the price of it, and not just in monetary terms.

But for now, I'm feeling a relieved/happy/proud that I could afford clearing out my debts and more importantly, getting 2 of my 2023 goals closed up with 11 months to go.

Alhamdulillah.

First Trip 2023

As the first trip of 2023, took an impromptu drive to Tangkak this weekend. Booked a hotel in Melaka on Friday, left office early to collect my new passport, and then went home to pack.

Plan was to stay in Melaka for 3d2n and go to a wedding of a friend at a Felda in Tangkak on Saturday. I took into account that eventhough there was no class that day, there was a test at 12.30pm which I assumed I could finish by 1pm and head to Tangkak afterwards ETA 2.15pm latest. However, despite leaving on time, I only managed to reach the Felda at 2.45pm. Worse, I actually got to the wrong wedding and had to ask my way around until I found the friend's house. By the time I reached the right address, it was close to 3pm and not many guests left. It was a scorching afternoon so I decided not to stay for long and left after about an hour and respectfully declined to take pictures with the bride and groom.

I confess that the main reason I decided to go to the wedding despite the distance and limited time was because I expected to see a dear female friend. She left for Singapore about 2 months ago and I was hoping we could catch up. I didn't know if she was coming but took the chances anyway. Sadly, she came but had left some time before my arrival.

Because of that, the drive back to Melaka was dreadful. The disappointment of missing her, and made worse by attending the wedding alone while the rest of the guests who were in fact my juniors during training that came with their spouses and kids had left me despondent.

She was a dear friend because despite the complicated nature of our friendship (I can't yet put this properly into words), she was the only one who I could really talk to on an emotional level. And although I doubt if she feels the same way with me, I have a strong feeling that she IS the one.

Anyway, once I got back to the hotel in Melaka, I spent the whole night in the room reflecting. And I did the same on my way back to Sepang this morning. 

So upon reflection, I'm setting a target to get into a relationship this year. Will start seriously looking at and considering options. I never planned to spend the rest of my life alone. It's just that I've been caught up with too much stuff that I never got around to seriously finding someone. That, and also my natural uneasiness with the opposite gender (LOL). When I was in kindergarten, I told my parents I hated girls for no apparent reason apart from finding them repulsive (I have been dumb since I was young).

At 31, socialising has become even harder for me what with the other guys already being married and most with kids. My social environment has drastically changed and I'm sticking out like a sore thumb in it.

And this is unrelated, but I also plan to do an full settlement for my car loan so that I can get the rebate while freeing up my monthly commitments.

So there I have it, 2023 goals sorted.

As with the dear female friend,

I think it's time to move on for the final time.