Screw it, I'm never gonna be able to get over A. The only girl that I've ever fallen in love in my whole 28 years of life. Had a couple crushes before but never one like this. There's just this indescribable feeling about A that I just never did and never will get with anybody else.
I just can't have it any other way.
If this ain't love, I'll be banging my head on the wall to know what is.
If I can't spend the rest of my life with her, than I'd rather not spend it with anyone.
I love you, A, and I hope one day, I'll be able to tell you that.
Sunday, 20 December 2020
Thursday, 19 November 2020
11 years a slave
Maybank called me yesterday regarding the loan restructuring for my car. They offered a 14% lower monthly repayment but the tenure wil be extended.
I said no. That's ridiculous. I alread had plans to settle the loan soonest able, and now they want to make it 11 years? Not to mention that will also make the total repayment amount 6% higher!
I mean, come on. 11 years? I don't even think there's much left of the car in 11 years except a piece of junk. I just read that UK will ban all petrol and diesel cars by 2030. If Malaysia were to do the same, my car will not even be allowed on the road anymore by then while I'd still be paying the loan.
Ridiculous.
To be fair, I'm disappointed with Maybank to make me such a bad offer it really felt like an insult. When I requested an assistance, I was thinking perhaps give me another 4-6 months of moratorium extension. Just so that I can save a bit more and perhaps give me some breathing space if my income is reduced. Yes I still have a job that pays, but I am anxious of what's gonna happen in the next couple of months. Having a considerable saving and some leeway with my monthly commitments would make me feel a lot better.
And to think that I have been a loyal customer to Maybank. All my other loans are with Maybank including a credit card and I have a savings account, a stock trading account, and a gold savings account with them. But now, they won't even bother to make a better offer to help me get through this. Just take it or leave it, the message was.
Probably should start looking for the banks that treat their customers better.
I said no. That's ridiculous. I alread had plans to settle the loan soonest able, and now they want to make it 11 years? Not to mention that will also make the total repayment amount 6% higher!
I mean, come on. 11 years? I don't even think there's much left of the car in 11 years except a piece of junk. I just read that UK will ban all petrol and diesel cars by 2030. If Malaysia were to do the same, my car will not even be allowed on the road anymore by then while I'd still be paying the loan.
Ridiculous.
To be fair, I'm disappointed with Maybank to make me such a bad offer it really felt like an insult. When I requested an assistance, I was thinking perhaps give me another 4-6 months of moratorium extension. Just so that I can save a bit more and perhaps give me some breathing space if my income is reduced. Yes I still have a job that pays, but I am anxious of what's gonna happen in the next couple of months. Having a considerable saving and some leeway with my monthly commitments would make me feel a lot better.
And to think that I have been a loyal customer to Maybank. All my other loans are with Maybank including a credit card and I have a savings account, a stock trading account, and a gold savings account with them. But now, they won't even bother to make a better offer to help me get through this. Just take it or leave it, the message was.
Probably should start looking for the banks that treat their customers better.
Friday, 30 October 2020
Up in the air
Things are not going good at work.
Well, to be fair, they RARELY are.
But this time, they ESPECIALLY are when my job is at stake.
My boss asked me to fill a different role that I am currently struggling in. Hiring a new guy for that spot was out of the question due to the company's current predicament - all hiring frozen.
It sucks because I'm somewhat demoted to being someone's number 2 in this role. The previous one, I was the top guy doing that work in this department. No managers or even head of department could question me or the team I led.
And going back to my previous role is although tempting, not really feasible given I have a longstanding animosity with the guy who currently heads the section. He's a bigot - of the kind you find at neighbourhood mosques with long beard and a skull cap. Soft spoken at most times but talks about and plots against you behind your back. And he hates Chinese which also makes him a hypocrite (I think) since he used to work with a Chinese (our previous big boss) and she thought he was a the kindest guy in the department. God I fucking hate that guy.
This, on top, of the anxiety over my job security over the next couple months. I see slim hopes the restructuring is going to work and even if it does, not as successful as planned. And it's almost impossible to go forward with reducing capacity without reducing headcounts. I mean, that would defeat the purpose. Any school kid knows that.
I just hope I somehow slip through.
Fuck me. Fuck. Me.
Well, to be fair, they RARELY are.
But this time, they ESPECIALLY are when my job is at stake.
My boss asked me to fill a different role that I am currently struggling in. Hiring a new guy for that spot was out of the question due to the company's current predicament - all hiring frozen.
It sucks because I'm somewhat demoted to being someone's number 2 in this role. The previous one, I was the top guy doing that work in this department. No managers or even head of department could question me or the team I led.
And going back to my previous role is although tempting, not really feasible given I have a longstanding animosity with the guy who currently heads the section. He's a bigot - of the kind you find at neighbourhood mosques with long beard and a skull cap. Soft spoken at most times but talks about and plots against you behind your back. And he hates Chinese which also makes him a hypocrite (I think) since he used to work with a Chinese (our previous big boss) and she thought he was a the kindest guy in the department. God I fucking hate that guy.
This, on top, of the anxiety over my job security over the next couple months. I see slim hopes the restructuring is going to work and even if it does, not as successful as planned. And it's almost impossible to go forward with reducing capacity without reducing headcounts. I mean, that would defeat the purpose. Any school kid knows that.
I just hope I somehow slip through.
Fuck me. Fuck. Me.
Sunday, 14 June 2020
This Functional Family
I've spent a lot of time this year reflecting and overthinking. That means I'll be posting more here.
Sure, I could pour my heart out to my family but I haven't spoken to them, like really spoken to them, for a long time. We're not a touchy feely family anyway. My father rarely spoke of his childhood. I heard about my grandfather and grandmother mostly from my aunt. My mother is not a talkative parent either, the longest we ever spoke to each other was 6 years back over a half an hour phone call. My sister, well, we stopped seeing eye to eye since we were both primary school. Cousins? We never hang out together apart from when we were little kids.
But not to say they're not any good. I've had all the support I needed all my life without any shortage. My parents were determined that I got the best I wanted even when it was not what they wanted for me. I'm grateful that family never stands in my way of anything. They know very well that trying to stop me from doing what I've set my heart and mind to is an exercise in futility. Neither would them ask me to do things I don't want to.
But all said, I do feel that I'm really on my own in this life. Myself is all that I have. In other words, I'm alone.
And it's starting to get really lonely..
Sure, I could pour my heart out to my family but I haven't spoken to them, like really spoken to them, for a long time. We're not a touchy feely family anyway. My father rarely spoke of his childhood. I heard about my grandfather and grandmother mostly from my aunt. My mother is not a talkative parent either, the longest we ever spoke to each other was 6 years back over a half an hour phone call. My sister, well, we stopped seeing eye to eye since we were both primary school. Cousins? We never hang out together apart from when we were little kids.
But not to say they're not any good. I've had all the support I needed all my life without any shortage. My parents were determined that I got the best I wanted even when it was not what they wanted for me. I'm grateful that family never stands in my way of anything. They know very well that trying to stop me from doing what I've set my heart and mind to is an exercise in futility. Neither would them ask me to do things I don't want to.
But all said, I do feel that I'm really on my own in this life. Myself is all that I have. In other words, I'm alone.
And it's starting to get really lonely..
Saturday, 6 June 2020
Re MAS (and Petronas)
Congratulations to Tan Sri Wan Zulkiflee Wan Ariffin on his appontment to the chairmanship of Malaysia Airlines (also MAG).
I don't intend to repeat the wild theories as to why he retired (rather prematurely) from Petronas, the government's golden goose where Tan Sri spent his entire career.
But I do have several questions regarding these theories.
1. If it was related to politics, why not appoint some politician to the chairmanship? The government has made it clear they will appoint MPs to top GLC posts to ensure they are in sync to the government's policies (and not to reward those who support PM Mahiaddin's in Dewan Rakyat)
2. If Tan Sri Wan Zul is such a solid principled character who could not submit himself to the ruling government's power play, why would he accept the appointment instead of resign and decline any offer by the government to make his point? If really his retirement is of political nature?
Conversely,
If PM really thinks that the appointments in MAG and Petronas are to prepare these GLCs to weather the difficult times we're currently in, it looks like MAG has got the better side of the bargain since Tan Sri Wan Zul is a proven and tested business leader especially due to his experience in taking Petronas safely through the low oil prices crisis a couple years back. Will it not risk Petronas' readiness to change the guards mid-crisis? Especially as Petronas is of paramount importance to the government's finances, is it worth any level of risk, more worryingly, as Tan Sri Wan Zul's replacement is relatively young and inexperienced in a leadership role?
But anyhow, I do wish Tan Sri Wan Zul my very sincere best. He's definitely not one to shy away from making the toughest decisions - his tenure saw the first ever employees' downsizing at Petronas since its founding. I'll support Malaysia Airlines forever, for I am Malaysian, and that means I will still do even if I no longer serve this great company.
I don't intend to repeat the wild theories as to why he retired (rather prematurely) from Petronas, the government's golden goose where Tan Sri spent his entire career.
But I do have several questions regarding these theories.
1. If it was related to politics, why not appoint some politician to the chairmanship? The government has made it clear they will appoint MPs to top GLC posts to ensure they are in sync to the government's policies (and not to reward those who support PM Mahiaddin's in Dewan Rakyat)
2. If Tan Sri Wan Zul is such a solid principled character who could not submit himself to the ruling government's power play, why would he accept the appointment instead of resign and decline any offer by the government to make his point? If really his retirement is of political nature?
Conversely,
If PM really thinks that the appointments in MAG and Petronas are to prepare these GLCs to weather the difficult times we're currently in, it looks like MAG has got the better side of the bargain since Tan Sri Wan Zul is a proven and tested business leader especially due to his experience in taking Petronas safely through the low oil prices crisis a couple years back. Will it not risk Petronas' readiness to change the guards mid-crisis? Especially as Petronas is of paramount importance to the government's finances, is it worth any level of risk, more worryingly, as Tan Sri Wan Zul's replacement is relatively young and inexperienced in a leadership role?
But anyhow, I do wish Tan Sri Wan Zul my very sincere best. He's definitely not one to shy away from making the toughest decisions - his tenure saw the first ever employees' downsizing at Petronas since its founding. I'll support Malaysia Airlines forever, for I am Malaysian, and that means I will still do even if I no longer serve this great company.
Sunday, 24 May 2020
Raya 1441H (and some reflection)
Raya this year is of course very different.
No balik kampung, no open houses, and most importantly for me, no nasi minyak or nasi kuning or nasi dagang.
But that didn't stop me from hauling some friends up to accompany me to some raya visits. Still in adherence to the MCO SOP, of course.
Well, actually we visited just two houses. Plus an hour-long stop at Starbucks. The queue was very long, and that included the drive-thru. I insisted to order at the counter, on the off chance that the barista was cute girl, but alas. And at the end, we realised it was faster to take the drive-thru.
Got back home at dusk. The moment I stepped into my room of our rented house, I felt the sudden and crushing tiredness, but mostly, loneliness.
I really hope that this is my last raya being alone or lonely. I really hope that she returns my feelings. I really hope that she sees that I'm worth all the troubles and all the time in the world. I really hope that she'd have the patience of a saint, tho she isn't, and neither is me. I really hope that we can make it work, no matter how big the odds are stacked against us.
And if that's too much to ask for, I pray for God to send me someone just like her in every way.
AMEN
No balik kampung, no open houses, and most importantly for me, no nasi minyak or nasi kuning or nasi dagang.
But that didn't stop me from hauling some friends up to accompany me to some raya visits. Still in adherence to the MCO SOP, of course.
Well, actually we visited just two houses. Plus an hour-long stop at Starbucks. The queue was very long, and that included the drive-thru. I insisted to order at the counter, on the off chance that the barista was cute girl, but alas. And at the end, we realised it was faster to take the drive-thru.
Got back home at dusk. The moment I stepped into my room of our rented house, I felt the sudden and crushing tiredness, but mostly, loneliness.
I really hope that this is my last raya being alone or lonely. I really hope that she returns my feelings. I really hope that she sees that I'm worth all the troubles and all the time in the world. I really hope that she'd have the patience of a saint, tho she isn't, and neither is me. I really hope that we can make it work, no matter how big the odds are stacked against us.
And if that's too much to ask for, I pray for God to send me someone just like her in every way.
AMEN
Sunday, 17 May 2020
Corona dirimu begitu berharga
The virus won't go away anytime soon.
WHO just said we might need to live with it forever like we do with measles.
Meantime, many companies are going under as people shut themselves in. Many jobs are and will be lost in the coming months. And that's perhaps the most optimistic outlook out there.
Hotels are shutting down. People just won't travel not just due to COVID-19, but also due to the economic impact it's taking on them.
Airlines will be shut down or at least have their operations scaled down. Already, many have been in the red for years due to intense competition. When this whole mess began couple months back, some industry veterans sent out uplifting messages that we would get over this in no time, hang tough. They lived through 9/11, so they had at least an idea of how bad it was gonna be before it got better again. Boy, I think many of these folks would review their optimism again as this crisis has really plunged us into a situation the world has never seen before. It's unprecedented. And we don't know if this is the peak yet. Even if it ever will recover, we don't know for how long it's gonna be drawn out.
Welp.
I might lose my job. There's a healthy chance that will happen, I won't deny it to make myself comfortable.
I should be saving every penny and begin tightening my belt already. Instead, I have been spending hundreds of ringgit on workout tools and skincare products. Why? Well, because amid these uncertain times, I'm more anxious with my image. I've become even more frustrated to think that my horrible shape has (possibly) affected my chances of having a relationship.
Past few weeks in quarantine, I have been lifting weights at home and watching my food intake. I have seen some results albeit dismal. My weight is at 70-73kg - one year ago, I was at 85-87kg! But more interestingly, those overhead presses and barbell rows have brought out some muscles in my shoulders and arms. I have a small frame. In fact, my shoulders and neck are so narrow that my head looks oversized by at least two times. I intend to widen my shoulders and enlarge my arms, just enough to enhance my visual appeal. Also cutting weight to remove the double chin and maybe bring out the jawline LOL.
On the face department, well first off, I am ugly as heck. And my hairline is ugly too, it's not straight or arched like most people have so I can't sport the cool hairstyles. But I'm trying to at least have an even skin tone, without pimples or acne scars. Also, need to fix the dark eye circles.
Like I said, I spent quite a lot on these. But I've resolved that if things are gonna be bad, I don't want to look bad. I've had enough of living my whole lifetime looking terrible, from an ugly kid to an ugly teenager to an ugly adult. Who knows, maybe I too can #glowup like those folks on the internet did. This might well turn out to be a waste of time and most importantly, money. Money that could have been saved to weather the tough times ahead. Of course, I can write it up as investment. But will it pay off? We'll see.
If anything, I did something to improve my own self. And that's worth taking a shot at, even if my world unravels before me.
Corona diriku begitu berharga.
WHO just said we might need to live with it forever like we do with measles.
Meantime, many companies are going under as people shut themselves in. Many jobs are and will be lost in the coming months. And that's perhaps the most optimistic outlook out there.
Hotels are shutting down. People just won't travel not just due to COVID-19, but also due to the economic impact it's taking on them.
Airlines will be shut down or at least have their operations scaled down. Already, many have been in the red for years due to intense competition. When this whole mess began couple months back, some industry veterans sent out uplifting messages that we would get over this in no time, hang tough. They lived through 9/11, so they had at least an idea of how bad it was gonna be before it got better again. Boy, I think many of these folks would review their optimism again as this crisis has really plunged us into a situation the world has never seen before. It's unprecedented. And we don't know if this is the peak yet. Even if it ever will recover, we don't know for how long it's gonna be drawn out.
Welp.
I might lose my job. There's a healthy chance that will happen, I won't deny it to make myself comfortable.
I should be saving every penny and begin tightening my belt already. Instead, I have been spending hundreds of ringgit on workout tools and skincare products. Why? Well, because amid these uncertain times, I'm more anxious with my image. I've become even more frustrated to think that my horrible shape has (possibly) affected my chances of having a relationship.
Past few weeks in quarantine, I have been lifting weights at home and watching my food intake. I have seen some results albeit dismal. My weight is at 70-73kg - one year ago, I was at 85-87kg! But more interestingly, those overhead presses and barbell rows have brought out some muscles in my shoulders and arms. I have a small frame. In fact, my shoulders and neck are so narrow that my head looks oversized by at least two times. I intend to widen my shoulders and enlarge my arms, just enough to enhance my visual appeal. Also cutting weight to remove the double chin and maybe bring out the jawline LOL.
On the face department, well first off, I am ugly as heck. And my hairline is ugly too, it's not straight or arched like most people have so I can't sport the cool hairstyles. But I'm trying to at least have an even skin tone, without pimples or acne scars. Also, need to fix the dark eye circles.
Like I said, I spent quite a lot on these. But I've resolved that if things are gonna be bad, I don't want to look bad. I've had enough of living my whole lifetime looking terrible, from an ugly kid to an ugly teenager to an ugly adult. Who knows, maybe I too can #glowup like those folks on the internet did. This might well turn out to be a waste of time and most importantly, money. Money that could have been saved to weather the tough times ahead. Of course, I can write it up as investment. But will it pay off? We'll see.
If anything, I did something to improve my own self. And that's worth taking a shot at, even if my world unravels before me.
Corona diriku begitu berharga.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)