Life’s lowest point

This is, without doubt, the lowest point in my 27 years of life.

Breakdown :

Job - while I'm more than happy with the pay, the company is in an unprecedented fix. I have no easy sleep at night thinking of what's gonna happen next to the company and its employees. I'm thinking of what's gonna happen to me, and what's gonna happen to my colleagues & staff. Already we are feeling the pinch. In a best case scenario, the company might be put on yet another restructuring exercise. I could lose my job, or be re-hired with reduced pay, or be downgraded, even. Who knows? I've been sending out resumés and attended an interview so far, but strongly, I have no more qualm of leaving. I'm even willing to take a reasonable paycut to get a job at a company in a better position.

Studies - nope, 9 years on, no end in sight. I'm taking my final shot at it. Things are much more complex and difficult now, and I'm so behind in the game already. But this is my final attempt. If this does not succeed, I will concede that this is just not for me as fate would have it.

Financial - related to the first point. I have some savings. I got a sizeable amount in the bank & unit trusts. If the rainy day ever comes (and it's already windy), I have calculated that I can survive without an income or salary for about 24 months with my savings alone. I could stretch it to 34 but I'm taking a conservative approach. Better be wrong in the positive margins. Good thing is, I have no commitments except for a small loan I took out for the unit trust which is being paid for with the dividends.

Relationship - perhaps the strongest reason I've been feeling like shit. Made & lost some friends. No lover yet, I'm 27 and single. If you think that's bad, consider this - I've never been in a relationship before. This could be karma since come to think of it, for the most part of my life, I've always undermined the need for a partner. I deemed those who needed one as being weak and having poor ability to stand on their own. I was DEAD WRONG. Turns out, even for a huge cynic like me, it's important to have someone to fete, to understand, and to re-assure you when the going gets so tough that you start doubting yourself. It's painful to go at it alone. If anybody's reading this right now and think of me as a wuss, well kid, all I can say is, give it time. I was just like you. My advice, don't deny what's already in your heart, tho you might have stashed it away so that you can look strong and independent. It's not worth it. We're biologically built up to complete each other so denying that is simply unnatural & arrogant. Mother nature will come back at you with a revenge. I'm paying the price for such arrogance.

This is the lowest point in my life.
I have never felt so hopeless.