About being 32

I saw a documentary by the New Yorker on Youtube about Frank, the 99 year old lawyer who was trying his last case. He passed not long after in 2022. He refused to retire and as he aged, he went to his office and court with walkers and drank Boost for nourishment. The people who were born in that period were really made that different. They were as tough as they came and their tenacity would put anyone from the generations that came after to absolute shame. It reminds me of our own 99 year old strongman, Tun Mahathir. May Allah swt grant him happy life for the rest of his days and in the hereafter.

Anyway, it shed a tear at the end of the documentary when it showed that Frank had passed away.

I used to fight back emotions and feelings. But at 32, I don't hold back any tears anymore. I'm constantly reminded of my parents and grandmother and uncles and aunts and how they have aged so much since I've left home. I reminisce about my childhood years and become sad when I realise I can't go back in time.

The thing about being at this age is that, you've been around long enough to see the world changes, the people come and go, and the people who stay grow older as you too grow older. I resent the fact that the world has changed so much so that the world that I grew up in no longer exists. I try as hard as I could to make things stay the same, no longer seeking to make a change "for the better". Perhaps it's nostalgia playing its tricks on my mind.

All the above makes me determined that soon I will go back to my home state Terengganu for good. True I can't make it turn back to the place that I grew up in, but at least I can try. And even if I can't stop the wave of change from sweeping across us, at least I'd be there to try to keep it from also taking away the nice things in its wake.

Inshallah, I will work to that end and may Allah swt grant me this.