My biggest war 2025

Despite all the good habits that I've cultivated over the past year, I still couldn't develop a habit to effectively beat proscratination. The severe lack of discipline and motivation is not something I take lightly. But despite my awareness of the issue and the desire to get rid of this terrible habit, I still can't figure out the way to resolve it. No matter how big or urgent the task at hand, I'm still terribble at planning for it, even worse when it comes to execution. I found several heuristical ways to deal with it. One is to "Deny yourself the pleasure" which I actually picked up from a rightwing Christian twitter page. The whole quote is about something to do with working hard to glorify God and deny any personal pleasures that would derail the invidual from the said task. The second is "Frontload everything" which I came up with on my own. The idea is to do a task the at once it is received. I kinda had the flow going for a while using the above "mantras" but now I'm back to my old self. I am terribly ashamed of myself.

Unfortunately I increasingly feel that the most effective driving force for me is suffering. If there's somebody who would yell at me or humiliate me or threaten my life or livelihood if I don't do something, then might finally have the willpower to do it. I swear that this is a disastrous behaviour that could ultimately lead to my destruction, yet I still persist.

Seriously, what is really wrong with me? Is my mind or soul really broken that even when the truth is made clear to me, I still deny it? Considering that this is the only thing that I haven't managed to conquer for the longest time, I believe this would be my biggest personal battle ever. The most pivotal battle in the war against myself.

Therefore despite having not figured out my resolutions for 2025, I'm laying down here my first and foremost resolution:

"To stop procrastinating and do everything ahead of time."

Nobody can save me but myself.

About being 32

I saw a documentary by the New Yorker on Youtube about Frank, the 99 year old lawyer who was trying his last case. He passed not long after in 2022. He refused to retire and as he aged, he went to his office and court with walkers and drank Boost for nourishment. The people who were born in that period were really made that different. They were as tough as they came and their tenacity would put anyone from the generations that came after to absolute shame. It reminds me of our own 99 year old strongman, Tun Mahathir. May Allah swt grant him happy life for the rest of his days and in the hereafter.

Anyway, it shed a tear at the end of the documentary when it showed that Frank had passed away.

I used to fight back emotions and feelings. But at 32, I don't hold back any tears anymore. I'm constantly reminded of my parents and grandmother and uncles and aunts and how they have aged so much since I've left home. I reminisce about my childhood years and become sad when I realise I can't go back in time.

The thing about being at this age is that, you've been around long enough to see the world changes, the people come and go, and the people who stay grow older as you too grow older. I resent the fact that the world has changed so much so that the world that I grew up in no longer exists. I try as hard as I could to make things stay the same, no longer seeking to make a change "for the better". Perhaps it's nostalgia playing its tricks on my mind.

All the above makes me determined that soon I will go back to my home state Terengganu for good. True I can't make it turn back to the place that I grew up in, but at least I can try. And even if I can't stop the wave of change from sweeping across us, at least I'd be there to try to keep it from also taking away the nice things in its wake.

Inshallah, I will work to that end and may Allah swt grant me this.

On group feeling and economics

For most of my adult life, I've always considered myself a liberal.

However, since last year, I've reviewed my position. Part of it is because of my newfound interest in Islam, and another part is because I've read more on history and politics. Much of the politics that we have today stems from the enlightenment period in European history. The belief that man controls nature, and not the other way around gives rise to the liberal political order that we see today. 

In fact, liberalism to me is unnatural and ungodly. And that includes its attendant concepts such as multiculturalism and diversity. Ibn Khaldun already wrote in Muqaddimah that a civilisation is a result of 'group feeling'. Malays have been taught that this group feeling (asabiyyah) is a bad thing and that the Prophet pbuh had spoken against it. Ibn Khaldun wrote that the asabiyyah as chastised by the Prophet pbuh was the bad kind and un-Islamic. And that asabiyyah is not in itself a bad thing. It can be good or bad, depending on whether it adheres to the principles of Islam or not. A good asabiyyah is one that gives Muslims strength and purpose in politics. It's the kind that makes a tribe put its members' well-being at the centre of society. It's the kind that protects a tribe's members from attacks by other tribes. Not to mention that it is only natural that we like being among people who share our skin colour, language, religion, and the tastes for food. This is as natural as it is in the animal kingdom. Liberalism, being a concept born out of humanism, denies this fact because it's just a humanist trait to disregard nature and God, while regarding man as the most powerful being in the universe.

As a Muslim, I'd like to practice my religion with freedom and by that, I not only mean to be able to practice the individual obligations (fardh 'ain) but also the societal obligations (fardh kifayah). Sadly, in a multicultural country such as ours, we are forced to abandon or set aside our obligations because we need to consider the non-Muslims. The non-Muslims have a totally different worldview from the Muslims. Much worse, they see Islam as an arresting factor towards development. Never mind that their idea of development is one that propagates usury, exploitation, manipulation, and all other kafir practices that are not only harmful to other men, but also the the environment. A kafir feels no qualms to destroy nature solely for profit, while Muslims are not allowed to do so by the word of Allah swt Himself.

Even more sadly, there are Muslims who believe that this twisted idea of development created and promoted by kafir can be defined as in line with the teaching of Islam. They foolishly believe that development in this manner is encouraged by Islam, based on the distorted understanding of the Prophet's call to join trade. Again, this is a dishonest understanding of the Prophet pbuh's teachings to justify their greed for material wealth. 

To summarise, Malay Muslims must unlearn and relearn 2 things.

First, asabiyyah is not only good, but vital to the survival of the ummah. They understand very well that the ummah must unite but fail to understand that this is in fact a call to revive the group feeling that had given us centuries of golden age.

Second, economic ideas as created by the kafir must be fully rejected. Even a compromised solution such as partial participation in this type of economy is detrimental to the ummah because we cannot win at this game since the game is flawed in the first place where Muslims will always lose since it's against our teachings, and when we lose, the kafir will say that the reason we fail is because of Islam, when in fact it is for the reason already mentioned above.

Some thoughts on the late Daim

Growing up as a kampung boy, the story of Daim Zainuddin always captivated me. The kampung boy from Kedah who rose to prominence as lawyer, politician, and one of the richest people in Malaysia. More so as he achieved all that and kept a low profile. Nobody in my lower secondary class knew Daim Zainuddin except 2 guys who happened to be sons of staunch PAS and PKR supporters. Back then, PAS and PKR were in the same boat so they collectively hated Daim since that's what Anwar taught his goons to do.

The disgusting politics of slander and revenge must stop. As I've said before, absent of any substantial evidence apart from all hearsay, Daim was innocent. And if he did use his political influence to do his business dealings, so what? So many other tycoons got away with way more than that. Aside from that, Daim made his bones and money fair and square. Only 2 types of people hate him: Anwar's followers and that's a given since they're all braindead who take Anwar's each ketimbang word for gospel, and second, the non-Malays who couldn't stand seeing a Malay like Daim become richer than them since Malays are supposedly a "stupid, savage race" who doesn't know the first thing about business. In fact, if Daim was a non-Malay, he would've been revered like Buddha and all his success credited to the so-called "C*inaman business acumen" no matter how corrupt he was. But alas, for all his wealth and success, Daim wasn't immune to the evils that run deep in some people's Godless blackened hearts. I pray that Allah swt's retribution fall upon them, and may it be harsh and swift.

Daim Zainuddin (1938-2024).

Innalillahiwaiinailaihiraji'un. Al-Fatihah.

As I write on...

I've contemplated the idea of keeping a journal for so long but never really got to it. Back in September 2022, I bought an A5 blank notebook with PU cover for the purpose of daily journaling. I did write in it for about 2 weeks (18/9/22 - 03/10/22) but it lost steam. Fast forward to August 2024, I began again looking for a way to systemically keep a journal. It should be noted that in October 2023, I revived my reading habit and since then, I've been consistently reading something. So far for 2024, I've read 29 books (ahead of the targeted 20 books). This habit has opened up my mind to new and sometimes forgotten views, as well as habits, and that includes keeping a journal. Hence how I got to re-visiting this idea.

From my reading on productivity, I learnt the benefits of carrying a small notebook in my pocket at all times. Cal Newport who wrote 4 of the books that I've read this year said he always kept a Moleskine small notebook in his pocket to jot down anything that picked his interest. Initially, I was not that much interested in this idea (so-called bullet journaling, 'BuJo') so I just went ahead and bought a legal pad for long-form journaling instead. However, as I reinforced the habit by watching videos of people who have been doing this for a long time, I came to learn about Midori (now known as Traveler's Notebook)'s notebook. It was very interesting to see that there's actually an elaborate system for this and not just for notekeeping, but also as a lifestyle driver so much so that there's a large following of this system and it's become almost like a hobby with people personalising their TN with stickers, ornaments and such. The idea of having a small notebook that could have a profound impact on life grew on me and it didn't take long for me to start browsing Shopee and Amazon for this notebook - eventually, I bought one (Passport size) from Shopee! It shipped from Japan but the total price was slightly cheaper than the local stock. Plus, the only bookstores that sell decent stationery are in KL or anywhere on that side of town and I just dislike driving through the traffic jams. Taking the public transport is no better either since I have to park my car at the ERL and proceeded afterwards for a 2-hour journey across multiple interchanges.

I received this on 29/9 but didn't immediately start writing in it. I let it unopened for 2 weeks before I started using it. Perhaps I felt a little bit afraid of making a mistake in it due to the unfamiliarity. Finally on 13/10, I made my first entry. Sure enough, I was disorganised at first and I had no idea what to write. But after a while, it picked up pace and I haven't yet missed a day to write in the journal. Especially in the monthly planner insert, it's a mess since I was still getting used to it. On 28/11/2024, inshallah I will be heading to Madinah & Makkah with a friend to perform umrah. I planned the trip with the help of this notebook and inshallah I'll bring this notebook during the trip.

^When I first got it.. the leather will grow a beautiful sheen of patina over time.

^The first notebook insert is the monthly planner. It's a mess! Didn't know what to write and the Pelikan black ink didn't help as it smudged even after it dried up!

^The second notebook insert in the notebook. Just received the TRC 2025 plastic sheet.

^It's beefing up. It's no scrap book and it won't ever be (I think). I love it as it is at the moment and making it fatter or thicker feels like defeating the purpose since it's supposed to be small enough to fit in your pocket. I carry this in my pants' side pocket.

What makes this habit really easy to adopt, aside from the possibilities of personalising the notebook to your heart's content, is that it's supposed to be succinct and brieft, and that you're not only allowed to write in short sentences but are encouraged to, given the form factor. I could be thinking or seeing something that's interesting to me but it can't yet be properly captured in words so I just write it as a bullet point and then go on with what I'm doing. Later on when I sit down to review my notes, I would transfer it to my journal. It's really just a convenient way to capture your thoughts and keep them on record for when you revisit and possibly expand them into proper ideas.

So yeah, just a little sharing on what's going on in life. I'm totally invested in this newly found habit and I hope to incorporate more of this in my daily life. This blog has been my sole outlet to pen my thoughts for the last 13 years. I still love it and I love blogging as a way to express myself and before anybody gets alarmed (if anybody even reads this), this is not a farewell post. I shall, as the title implies, write on, in fact more than ever going forward.

Cheers

The case against leisure travelling

Lately i've been seeing posts on social media by influencers (I personally think they're a cancer to society) teaching people on how to manage their finances so that they could, among other things, afford to travel. Supposedly, travel will enlighten your minds, and that it shall 'expand your horizon'.

Travelling used to be for the middle and upper income families. Nowadays thanks to low cost carriers, even the B40 are flying to far flung places for holidays. Many are backpacking across countries to save money. Japan is one of the favourite destinations for Malaysian backpackers, apparently.

I am an opponent of leisure travelling. 

1. Experience economy is yet another way for the capitalists to force the people by spending unnecessarily

2. In doing so, they keep the financially illiterate, financially illiterate with terrible money management skills. Spending thousands for an experience that lasts probably a week when the money could've been spent on things that bring tangible, lasting benefits. Sure people say it's the memories that will last a lifetime that matter, maybe so, but the excitement and happiness will surely wear out in weeks, at best.

3. The world is becoming increasingly insular. Sooner or later, people would see the backpackers for who they are: low-quality immigrants albeit temporary. You go there and use the public resources but spend very little since you don't sleep at their hotels and you don't eat at their eateries, therefore contributing very little for their economy if at all and you for sure won't have the money to spend on their goods either. You're just there taking in the sights going from a town to another, sleeping in bags and warming up canned foods to eat with roti gardenia while going around on their subsidised public transit system. That's what you are.

I definitely don't see why some people incl. the financial "experts" want to teach people to set aside their already meagre salary just so they could travel. It purely serves the consumer-capitalism no matter how much you save by being a backpacker. It is plain idiotic.

Empty cans

Got a new guy at the office. Joined us at the end of last year. Guy graduated from a local uni with a rather fine background.

Quite well off, dad was a senior civil servant and has many extended family members in high positions in both public and private sectors.

At first, I took an interest in him. He claimed to be an avid reader and a writer himself. He also liked to share his activities and his friends in high places.

Talents include finance, economics, business and politics. I immediately thought we struck gold with such a talent.

Over time however, it's become clear that he's an idiot. He's all talk but no real substance, and boy does he talk much. The moment people try to challenge his views or poke holes in his long-winded self-centered 'speeches', he would come up with just another batch of freshly ground crap or deflect with a new talking point altogether. Plus, he talks a lot but never really listens, and that goes for texting as well. I mute him nowadays because it got to a point that it's just spamming.

One of his favourite recurring themes is his family's generational wealth. He makes it clear every now and then that he stands to gain some hundreds of thousands that are currently locked up in assets that were left behind by his great great great great grandad. He claims to have been discreet about it but practically every soul who has met him knows about it down to the exact money sum that he's expecting to receive. And then, there's a business that he's affiliated with that he never fails to mention to the staff and management as a potential solutions provider to the company. At one point, I had to advise him to tamp it down lest he gets flagged by the company's integrity dept for any unlawful behaviour, and also, nobody shows any interest every time he brings it up so hello, maybe pick up the hint? We heard you the first dozen times, maybe take it as a no?

Worst of all is his poor performance at work. It's starting to raise eyebrows since he was selected from dozens of capable candidates. Especially since he always hypes himself up but delivers well below expectations. People are starting to talk and some even ask me to advise him on account of my supposed friendship with him. Well guess what, I tried and he came up with some bullshit to justify his underperformance. Told him that he should underpromise but overdeliver in order to be in the management's good books, and he replied that he'd rather disappoint people at a rate that they can absorb --  an absolutely incongruous response lifted straight from some toilet paper self-help business books.

What worries me is because I might have told him some things that could be damaging in the future. Thought I could trust him so I was mostly frank and open with my views, especially about the company.  But now, I'm starting to worry that he might not be careful with them or even use them against me in the future since he obviously is too dumb to understand discretion and confidentiality.

All around, this is just a typical empty can type, entitled brat who has little, if there's any entitled to him in the first place. I'm fairly certain that it would end badly between him and the company one day, sooner rather than later. I just hope that I won't be dragged into the mess when that day comes.

Some thoughts on Daim

For decades now we've heard from Anwar and his sycophants of the evils of men like Mahathir and Daim. Insinuations were thrown out in the open that these people had plundered the country's riches to line up their own pockets. But until now, apart from some poorly made lists that have been so pixelated from being re-shared again and again from the Yahoo mail days that they could be hardly read.

Today they dragged Daim to court (29/1/2024). It's a sad sight seeing the poor old man being wheeled into the car and he looked very frail especially since he's lost an eye to infection. He's definitely seen better days, the days when he rose from a kampung boy in Kedah to a fairly successful businessman making fortunes from Maluri. His success, rare among the Malays that time, got the attention of the UMNO leadership who brought him into their fold to serve as the finance minister.

The dumb PH supporters, showing total lack of manners and sympathy seemed to be enjoying the sight very much. They cheered to see a weak and physically failing old man being 'brought to justice' for 'crimes' that I bet none of these corrupted souls even know of. The charge read out against Daim was a failure to declare his assets to SPRM. It'd have been ironic if not for the flagrant hypocrisy on the government's part that the head of SPRM is Azam Baki, who not long ago was mired in his kerfuffle regarding his assets that PH made it an election campaign promise to go after him if they won the election. They did win the election but didn't keep the promise; a theme that by now has been completely synonymous with this cheating, manipulating lot that is the Malaysian government of the day. Instead, they keep Azam Baki to be their hatchet man at their disposal, primarily used to settle old scores. Mahathir and his sons, Daim, and a lot more are probably being threatened at the moment to either switch their allegiances or face the same fate.

The questions I'm wondering are very simple: a) Which public money that Daim stole? b) How much and when?

And yet, until today, we don't know the answers to the above, apart from the revelation in the Pandora Papers, which listed a few other Malaysians, 2 of them happen to be a sitting DPM and Minister. 

But sure, Daim is the biggest evil known to man and must be sent to the firing squad.

New year same me

As expected, this week had turned me upside down. Since my HOD and all the managers were on leave, I had to attend meetings with the COO and the business unit CEO. The former was a lot tougher since the COO is quite demanding guy and he at least has an idea of what we do in our work. I got tasked to chasing our suppliers to supply the materials for our urgent production needs and hooked me up with the higher management of the supply companies. He told me to keep a close eye and I haven't been able to get a proper night sleep since Tuesday. The much feared nightmare happened. As of today, I still can't deliver 100% so I'll see what happens when all my bosses get back to work tomorrow.

Today is the new year 2024. Between the work pressures and the mounting study work, I don't know how I could balance my life. It's driving me mad that I'm a year older and still haven't found a good woman to wife.

On another note, I went to a small bookstore this morning. Let's call it 'IB'. I saw from their social media posts that they were having new year sales and I just found out that their store was not far away from my place. So after doing some laundry and work, I drove to IB and had a bit of a tough time to find the store. Reason being it's located in a business park with many shops -- unfortunately mostly empty. And the IB store is not directly accessible to the road. I was circling the area in confusion because Google Maps told me I already arrived but I couldn't find the store. Thank God I managed to find it in the end, the empty shops around it made it easier for me to navigate since there was barely any traffic.
So the shop was a small one. Maybe 15 feet wide and it was divided into a sales area and an office at the back. It was a small place though. The books that couldn't fit on the shelves were stacked on a few desks, and below them. And most of them were quality books that are rather hard to find at regular bookstores. It slightly bothered me to see copies of SMN Al-attas' The Covenants Fulfilled on the floor below the desks. On the desks were mostly popular books from international publishers. I was actually planning to get Orwell's Animal Farm published by Penguin. Unfortunately, there was no available stock so I just picked up a Malay novel. This will be a companion to Plato's The Republic that I'm reading. I will share a review later.

So that's my first day of 2024. Hopes, dreams, ambitions, etc. May they all be met this year. Happy New Year.