Raya this year is of course very different.
No balik kampung, no open houses, and most importantly for me, no nasi minyak or nasi kuning or nasi dagang.
But that didn't stop me from hauling some friends up to accompany me to some raya visits. Still in adherence to the MCO SOP, of course.
Well, actually we visited just two houses. Plus an hour-long stop at Starbucks. The queue was very long, and that included the drive-thru. I insisted to order at the counter, on the off chance that the barista was cute girl, but alas. And at the end, we realised it was faster to take the drive-thru.
Got back home at dusk. The moment I stepped into my room of our rented house, I felt the sudden and crushing tiredness, but mostly, loneliness.
I really hope that this is my last raya being alone or lonely. I really hope that she returns my feelings. I really hope that she sees that I'm worth all the troubles and all the time in the world. I really hope that she'd have the patience of a saint, tho she isn't, and neither is me. I really hope that we can make it work, no matter how big the odds are stacked against us.
And if that's too much to ask for, I pray for God to send me someone just like her in every way.
AMEN
Sunday, 24 May 2020
Sunday, 17 May 2020
Corona dirimu begitu berharga
The virus won't go away anytime soon.
WHO just said we might need to live with it forever like we do with measles.
Meantime, many companies are going under as people shut themselves in. Many jobs are and will be lost in the coming months. And that's perhaps the most optimistic outlook out there.
Hotels are shutting down. People just won't travel not just due to COVID-19, but also due to the economic impact it's taking on them.
Airlines will be shut down or at least have their operations scaled down. Already, many have been in the red for years due to intense competition. When this whole mess began couple months back, some industry veterans sent out uplifting messages that we would get over this in no time, hang tough. They lived through 9/11, so they had at least an idea of how bad it was gonna be before it got better again. Boy, I think many of these folks would review their optimism again as this crisis has really plunged us into a situation the world has never seen before. It's unprecedented. And we don't know if this is the peak yet. Even if it ever will recover, we don't know for how long it's gonna be drawn out.
Welp.
I might lose my job. There's a healthy chance that will happen, I won't deny it to make myself comfortable.
I should be saving every penny and begin tightening my belt already. Instead, I have been spending hundreds of ringgit on workout tools and skincare products. Why? Well, because amid these uncertain times, I'm more anxious with my image. I've become even more frustrated to think that my horrible shape has (possibly) affected my chances of having a relationship.
Past few weeks in quarantine, I have been lifting weights at home and watching my food intake. I have seen some results albeit dismal. My weight is at 70-73kg - one year ago, I was at 85-87kg! But more interestingly, those overhead presses and barbell rows have brought out some muscles in my shoulders and arms. I have a small frame. In fact, my shoulders and neck are so narrow that my head looks oversized by at least two times. I intend to widen my shoulders and enlarge my arms, just enough to enhance my visual appeal. Also cutting weight to remove the double chin and maybe bring out the jawline LOL.
On the face department, well first off, I am ugly as heck. And my hairline is ugly too, it's not straight or arched like most people have so I can't sport the cool hairstyles. But I'm trying to at least have an even skin tone, without pimples or acne scars. Also, need to fix the dark eye circles.
Like I said, I spent quite a lot on these. But I've resolved that if things are gonna be bad, I don't want to look bad. I've had enough of living my whole lifetime looking terrible, from an ugly kid to an ugly teenager to an ugly adult. Who knows, maybe I too can #glowup like those folks on the internet did. This might well turn out to be a waste of time and most importantly, money. Money that could have been saved to weather the tough times ahead. Of course, I can write it up as investment. But will it pay off? We'll see.
If anything, I did something to improve my own self. And that's worth taking a shot at, even if my world unravels before me.
Corona diriku begitu berharga.
WHO just said we might need to live with it forever like we do with measles.
Meantime, many companies are going under as people shut themselves in. Many jobs are and will be lost in the coming months. And that's perhaps the most optimistic outlook out there.
Hotels are shutting down. People just won't travel not just due to COVID-19, but also due to the economic impact it's taking on them.
Airlines will be shut down or at least have their operations scaled down. Already, many have been in the red for years due to intense competition. When this whole mess began couple months back, some industry veterans sent out uplifting messages that we would get over this in no time, hang tough. They lived through 9/11, so they had at least an idea of how bad it was gonna be before it got better again. Boy, I think many of these folks would review their optimism again as this crisis has really plunged us into a situation the world has never seen before. It's unprecedented. And we don't know if this is the peak yet. Even if it ever will recover, we don't know for how long it's gonna be drawn out.
Welp.
I might lose my job. There's a healthy chance that will happen, I won't deny it to make myself comfortable.
I should be saving every penny and begin tightening my belt already. Instead, I have been spending hundreds of ringgit on workout tools and skincare products. Why? Well, because amid these uncertain times, I'm more anxious with my image. I've become even more frustrated to think that my horrible shape has (possibly) affected my chances of having a relationship.
Past few weeks in quarantine, I have been lifting weights at home and watching my food intake. I have seen some results albeit dismal. My weight is at 70-73kg - one year ago, I was at 85-87kg! But more interestingly, those overhead presses and barbell rows have brought out some muscles in my shoulders and arms. I have a small frame. In fact, my shoulders and neck are so narrow that my head looks oversized by at least two times. I intend to widen my shoulders and enlarge my arms, just enough to enhance my visual appeal. Also cutting weight to remove the double chin and maybe bring out the jawline LOL.
On the face department, well first off, I am ugly as heck. And my hairline is ugly too, it's not straight or arched like most people have so I can't sport the cool hairstyles. But I'm trying to at least have an even skin tone, without pimples or acne scars. Also, need to fix the dark eye circles.
Like I said, I spent quite a lot on these. But I've resolved that if things are gonna be bad, I don't want to look bad. I've had enough of living my whole lifetime looking terrible, from an ugly kid to an ugly teenager to an ugly adult. Who knows, maybe I too can #glowup like those folks on the internet did. This might well turn out to be a waste of time and most importantly, money. Money that could have been saved to weather the tough times ahead. Of course, I can write it up as investment. But will it pay off? We'll see.
If anything, I did something to improve my own self. And that's worth taking a shot at, even if my world unravels before me.
Corona diriku begitu berharga.
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