Wednesday, 13 September 2017

Indebted

Saw somebody posted this screencap on Fb. I can say that I can relate.

Like her, I was also a straight As student back in school. In 2010, after failing (mysteriously) to secure the scholarship to study engineering overseas, I decided to take up the offer to train as an aircraft engineer with our national airline for 5 years, at the end of which, I would establish as an aircraft engineer with the airline. It was a pretty good deal considering no other college or uni can guarantee a job straight upon graduation. Except, that never happened.

As you know, the already ailing airline (OldCo) suffered greatly after the twin-tragedy in 2014. In 2015, it ceased to exist, 20k employees were laid off, and all its assets were transferred to a new airline (NewCo). 12k of the employees were then hired by the NewCo. That year, I was supposed to finish my training and became an engineer. However, due to the circumstances, they could no longer honour the agreement. Worse, the lay-offs created an influx in the job market, the industry suddenly had more supply over demand. Even worse, we, the inexperienced trainees had to compete with the oldtimers who didn't make the cut to the NewCo for jobs in other companies. Until today, none of my batchmates successfully established as an engineer. Most of us are lucky enough to be technicians. Others, like me, have to settle with boring and low-paying jobs that has little, if anything at all, to do with our training. But that's not the suckerpunch, no.

The suckerpunch is actually the RM230k debt on my back. The airline required that successful applicants were funded by the state foundation. I had to essentially take out a loan to study - and they say excel in studies, so you can get scholarships! I realised this from the outset but because the job was already 'waiting for me', and it was supposed to be paying handsomely, I thought it's worth it and it's still a good deal, perhaps too good. They even told us about how we could be earning much, much more as we gained more experience through the years. Now all of that is a fairy tale, but the debt is an expensive reality. My job now pays me just enough to get by. To service that RM230k loan? Heh, at this rate, I'd die with most of the loan still unsettled. Up to the neck with debt! And I haven't purchased any house or car (been using mom's)..

Moral of the story? If it sounds too good to be true, it likely is. Learnt it the hard way.

Monday, 24 July 2017

Water under burnt bridge

Sometimes, I look back and wonder how things would have played out had I done some things differently. I'd take a gander at the past and the people and relationships and how there are to me today, often in contrast. Most of the times, I just regret a lot of things.

Many friends are no longer friends and a lot more are not as close as they were. Mostly, we just broke apart because I just felt like it. Someone told me I seem to hold and drop friends at will, and I think he's right.

Nowadays, with regards to relationships, I just take them as they come. People say I'm anti-social and repulsive, but really, I'm just not interested. I've also got a few former friends who tried to approach me and reconnect, all ignored. Again, it's just not in my interests to rebuild the burnt bridges.

Maybe I'll end up alone, and I've come to terms with that. Shikata ga nai. Best I could do is try not to feel lonely in that solitude.

ps : not depressed, simply being at peace with life.